TEENS AND MUM IS ABOUT RAISING TEENAGERS. EVERY CHILD REGARDLESS OF BIRTH IS SPECIAL AND DESTINED TO BE GREAT IN AS MUCH AS THE RIGHT FOUNDATION IS PROVIDED. TEENS AND MUM IS ALL ABOUT RAISING AND BUILDING YOUNG LIVES (TEENAGERS). IT IS ALSO DESIGNED TO ENCOURAGE PARENTS ESPECIALLY MOTHERS TO RISE UP TO THEIR BASIC RESPONSIBILITY OF RAISING GODLY AND MORAL CHILDREN.
Monday, May 1, 2017
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
ANGER
ANGER
Anger is a very common experienced and display emotion during teenage years. All teens and everyone gets angry. Sometimes, its occurrence is understandable and predictable and at other times it comes as a surprise and shock to everyone.
Anger is a very common experienced and display emotion during teenage years. All teens and everyone gets angry. Sometimes, its occurrence is understandable and predictable and at other times it comes as a surprise and shock to everyone.
While extreme mood swings and emotional stability are a natural part of the teen years, temper outbursts and aggressive behaviour can be a signs that a young person's anger has reached unhealthy proportions and is not being handled appropriately. Anger occurs in varying degrees of intensity. From mild annoyance to violent rage. It may be hidden and held inward or expressed openly. Anger can be of short duration, coming and going quickly, or it may persist for decades in form of bitterness, resentment or hatred. Anger may be destructive, especially when it persists in the form of aggression, un-forgiveness or revenge.
The problem many teens and preteens face is
that they tend to repress their anger, and as a result, bitterness, rage and
anger build up until they explode in brawling, slander, or malice.
These article is written to help teenagers understands and deals with
ANGER.
CAUSES OF ANGER.
There are many reasons anger invades teenager's
lives. Anger is triggered by a vast array of emotions and events. Some of the
more prominent and significant are frustration,
alienation, hurt or threat of hurt, injustice, fear or anger itself as a
learned response.
FRUSTRATION.
Frustration results when a teenager's progress toward the attainment of a goal is blocked or interrupted. The level of frustration depends on the importance of the goal, and the size of the obstacle . The many goals and passions of the teens years and the intensity with which teens desire such things makes many teenagers candidates of severe frustration and therefore, anger. Some of these passions are: being allowed to stay up late to watch movies, going to parties, having fun etc.
ALIENATION.
During the teen years , peer group acceptance and involvement is vital and important for healthy adjustment to occur. Teenagers are extremely sensitive to any indication of rejection or isolation from other group for from special friends. Such isolation brings not only feelings of loneliness, but deeply felt and grave questions about one's own identity and ultimate value as a human being. When alienation is deeply felt by a teenager, anger reaction are normally expected.
HURT OR THREAT OF HURT
Anger also arises as a reaction to physical or emotional hurt. For an instance, when a teammate elbow a basketball player in the nose, whether it was intentional or not, the player is likely to respond in anger. Another instance is when a parent calls a young person a cruel name, anger will result, though it may be repressed. Also when a dad cancels a much anticipated outing with his daughter, she is apt to be hurt, and that will breed anger. When a is insulted, made fun of, humiliated, ignored, or threatened, he or she will respond with anger, expressed or not.
INJUSTICE.
Injustice is one of the most valid reasons for anger. Teenagers tend to be strongly idealistic and firmly hold to their value system, imposing that system unto others. They are particularly sensitive to any violations of their ethical code and value system, because such violations symbolically represent encroachments on their development autonomy. Teenagers are also sensitive to perceived injustices that are perpetrated by parents, teachers, political leaders, pastors and other authority figures and are likely to react to injustice with anger, whether the injustice was done to them, a peer, or even a total stranger.
FEAR.
Fear may also prompt anger among teenagers. For example, the fear of what other teens are saying about him or her, fear of being embarrassed in class. Such worries and fears may create a high levels of frustration and anger.
LEARNING.
Anger may be a learned response in many cases. A teenager may have learned inappropriate way of handling and expressing anger from parents or others in the family or society. He or she may have learned to harbour hostility, to let bitterness build up into rage, and to resent or hate those who are different or express disagreement with him or her. For an instance, two elderly men in south west region of Nigeria, West Africa were seriously beating and given a blow on the face, by a young man simply because he strongly disagree with them on a subject of discuss. The two men ended up in an hospital for medical treatment!.
Anger may be a learned response in many cases. A teenager may have learned inappropriate way of handling and expressing anger from parents or others in the family or society. He or she may have learned to harbour hostility, to let bitterness build up into rage, and to resent or hate those who are different or express disagreement with him or her. For an instance, two elderly men in south west region of Nigeria, West Africa were seriously beating and given a blow on the face, by a young man simply because he strongly disagree with them on a subject of discuss. The two men ended up in an hospital for medical treatment!.
There are also situations in which the
media, present on television and radio role models that are involved in one form of violence or
another. They are presented in an attractive, powerful and prestigious way.
By watching and listening teenagers becomes more easily angered
and more outwardly aggressive.
DISCUSSION:
Though, there may be individual differences, am of the opinion that all
teenagers gets angry. For everyone and teenagers reading along with me on this platform,
I would like you to share with me things that gets you angry.
Friday, September 25, 2015
SIBLING RIVALRY
Introduction
Sibling rivalry can be devastating! Trouble between siblings can take many different forms as RIVALRY, STRIVE, or ABUSE. Brothers and sisters can be best friends, bitter enemies or both, depending on the circumstances, the time of the day or their moods. Siblings can be surprisingly loving toward each other, and they can be shockingly cruel. This however does not means they don't love each other. The essence of this article is to enable teenagers and parents to understand rivalry between siblings and be able to deal with it accordingly.
Sibling rivalry can be devastating! Trouble between siblings can take many different forms as RIVALRY, STRIVE, or ABUSE. Brothers and sisters can be best friends, bitter enemies or both, depending on the circumstances, the time of the day or their moods. Siblings can be surprisingly loving toward each other, and they can be shockingly cruel. This however does not means they don't love each other. The essence of this article is to enable teenagers and parents to understand rivalry between siblings and be able to deal with it accordingly.
Form of Siblings Troubles
Sibling rivalry.
Sibling
Rivalry is as an emotional or physical assault that makes the victims to feel
bad about themselves. It is a natural and common phenomenon within the family. At
times, it is unavoidable between brothers and sisters of the same family; steps
sisters and brothers and also between teenagers. It is a spirit of jealousy
or competition between siblings or (step-siblings) in a family. Statements
as 'I will report you to Mum' are common among siblings as a result of
rivalry. A Teenager once told me about a non cordial relationship between
her and her elder brother who at times would buy her things and some other
times, could be so cruel to the extent of beating her.
STRIVE
Sibling strive is very destructive. It makes teenagers to contend in opposition with each others. Tony and Kinsley are two brothers from the same family. Tony is younger, but a bit large while the elder brother, Kinsley was slimmer and smart. However, rivalry between them would made Kinsley tease about the weight of his younger brother, calling him a 'plum fat' and driving him to tears in front of others and generally ridiculing him for being a "Cry baby" !
ABUSE
Relationship between siblings can sometimes degenerate into abusive behaviour and patterns. Siblings are more likely to become abusive if they themselves feel victimized. Abuse can range from name-calling and inciting fear in a younger sibling, to threatening, destroying a Sibling's personal possessions, or physically scratching, hitting, or kicking a sibling.
Siblings
Abuse is common among teenagers in schools and homes. Some example of abusive
words are, 'Big Head', 'Look at her head like coconut-head',
'Big stomach',
'Fish brain',
'See the way he's working like jelly
fish...',
'Pepeye',,
'Your head is like pure a water bag........', etc
The Causes of Sibling Rivalry.
Sibling
Rivalry is simply the natural result of multiple children in a family, vying
for attention and affection. When parents gives more attention to a child
more than the other, they are seriously creating problems for their wards. Sibling
Rivalry can be as a result of the following:
Parents'
preferential treatment on sibling.
Unhealthy or
unfavourable comparisons. The root of all feelings of
inferiority is comparison. It is therefore highly inflammatory to compare
and commend one child at the expense of another. Parents, especially mum should
please exercise caution on matters of academic performance and intelligence by not
comparing their teens with others teenagers.
Jealousy of a sibling's
talents, friends, appearance, grades, and family privileges.
Though
Sibling rivalry can be a devastating factor in a family relationship, it can
also be a positive factor...(To be continued).
Labels:
ABUSE,
FAMILY RELATIONSHIP.,
RIVALRY,
SIBLINGS,
STRIVE
Location:
Lagos, Nigeria
Friday, September 4, 2015
The Challenges of Teenagers.
The Challenges of Teenagers.
The teen's year ranges
between the age of thirteen and seventeen and it is the year between Childhood
and adulthood. Though the teen's years are most enjoyable, it is also a period
when many teenagers go through a lot of
challenges. Some of these challenges which are
Lust, Environmental Influences, Peer Pressure, Gangsterism and Cultism,
Insufficient Parental Care, and Educational challenges.
Lust
Teen's years are characterized by the onset of
puberty and many accompanying struggles, including understanding and coping
with an awakening sexuality. Adolescent girls and boys encounter many thoughts
and feelings that are both new and disturbing. They begin to notice physical
development and attractiveness of the opposite sex, and also develop an intense
fascination with romantic and sexual matters.
Teens do not only experience various hormonal changes, in their bodies,
they are also largely unprepared for the hormonal surge and surprises that
occur as a natural physiological part of the adolescence. Usually, they are yet
to learn how to control and channel their sexual urges, and sensations that leave them often bewildered and frightened.
They gets involved in
sensual desire and believe that nothing is wrong with dating the opposite sex
as long as they do not get into the 'real acts'. Lust sometimes begins with
seemingly harmless actions such as holding of hands, embrace or hug and
constant chats with the opposite sex.
This frequent, private communication leads to emotional attachment and
entanglements and oftentimes, Lust is induced by the things the teens see or
hear. The kinds of programmes they watched on television, Internet, radio and
the kinds of company they keep. Lust is
a critical problem for today's teens than for teens of previous
generation.
Environmental
Influences
Today's teens face a culture that is obsessed with
sex, sexual attractiveness, and sexual gratification. Television programs ,
movies, previews, magazine adverts, billboards and commercials as well as
styles of clothing are often blatant in their attempt to arouse the viewer
sexuality. The teen's years are typically characterized by a search for self
identity, an effort to discover "Who am I and where do I fit in", and
the teens sexuality is a part of that mix, and for some teenagers, lustful
fantasies become a slave to their fears and insecurities.
Peer Pressure.
Another challenge most teenagers go through today is
peer pressure. Teens face severe pressure to act, dress, talk in certain ways
and join certain groups and to try certain things, and any deviation from what
is considered the "normal" or "popular thing to do " can
result in ridicule and rejection. Though peer pressure can be positive, it can
also be negative. Bad company influence teenagers negatively and lead them
astray. Peer influence or pressure have
been associated with episodes of teens risk taking, such as the use of alcohol,
tobacco, marijuana, drugs.
Many teenagers
listen to wrong and evil counsels of peers who tell them to go into immorality
because it is what is in vogue. They suggest and scheme to lure them into
having premarital sex. Even when a teenager decides not to join
in the act, they are been deride for being naive or being a virgin and being
the odd person among the company.
Insufficient Parental
Care.
Lack of Interest and
involvement on the part of the parent for teenagers is another major
problem that has reached a crises stage
in the world today. Many parent finds
giving appropriate attention and care to one or more children together with
already considerable responsibilities of
marriage and carrier, a nearly impossible job.
These days, a lot of
parents are too busy and do not have time for their teens. They tend to neglect them if they are
preoccupied with anything, especially social advancement. Today's society urges
men and women to "have it all"
and to "have it your way": Earn a six figure
income, send your teens to private school, and work out every day, vacation in
the Bahamas etc. Parent who buy into this "have it all" mentality typically neglect their teens
emotional needs, choosing (consciously or unconsciously) to place their
"needs" ahead of their teens needs. Aside availability to the
teenagers, many parents lacks parenting skill to take care of the teens physically
and emotional need.
Gangsterism and
Cultism.
Cowardice, greed, lust
for power and gullibility have led many teenagers into gangsterism and cultism.
Some teenagers were persuaded into it, while some were threatened and
physically harassed into it, others just wanted to have power they could
demonstrate at anytime and anywhere they found themselves. Many teenagers have
been expelled from school and some have died prematurely because of cultism and
gangsterism.
Educational Challenges
Another challenge teenagers
experience is the problem of underachievement. While some teenagers seem to
mature with little difficulties and gain clear understanding of their
potentials and limitations, other teens resist the challenge to develop their
potential. Many teenagers fail at school
and experience other problem academically that may last a life time. Often
times they go through the fear of failure, anxiety that drive them to a point
of exhaustion and eventually inefficiency.
Academic problems are
frequently indicators of larger problems that a teenager is going through.
These problems range among personality and lifestyle, societal and economic
factor, and the family. Oftentimes, some teens fail to achieve good grade in
school because their basic need are not met.
They lack the ability to
concentrate, poor self motivation, and
are unwillingness to stay on learning task. This may later result in the teenager drooping out of
school.
.....to be continued.
ZOA Oladejo.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
The Woman: The Home Builder And Challenges of Contemporary Times.
...The wise woman builds her house, But the
foolish pulls it down with her hands.
(Proverbs 14:1).
(Proverbs 14:1).
A godly wife is a strong and capable woman. She is wise and she is righteous. She is valuable to her husband and to her family
To begin to
understand the role of women within the family, and in building a happy home,
it is important to understand the background in which the woman was created. The bible describes Eve as a helper (Genesis 2:18
). The bible also affirms that God created Adam from “the dust of the ground”
(Genesis 2:7). Then, from “the rib which the Lord God had taken from [Adam]” He
made Eve (Genesis 2:22). Thus The bible,
describes the first woman Eve, as a "help meet for the man" . To build a happy home, a woman should bear in
mind the purpose for which she was created and set for herself definite goals
to fulfil that purpose.
In recent times, the home is
not what it should be, with regards to God's standard for Christians home. A
lots of Homes are in shamble, with husband and the wife going in different directions
on issues relating to the family. Many
wayward and morally disgruntled children are products of the family,
these days. Tragically, in today’s society, poor value is placed on the family,
and this seems an unimportant obligation to some. In the most extreme cases, where relationship
in the homes are not well managed, breakdown of the homes arises, leading to
divorces cases.
In recent times, our societal continual focus on material wealth has been
a key factor influencing many women in becoming “freed” from their status as homemakers. The
rising need to be a financial support to the husband and the need to be a
career woman, has made many women to accept jobs in the corporate world. For
lots of women, who cannot manage both the home front and the Job without one
affecting the other, this decision has denies many of a happy home. However, according
to the scriptures, God did not intend women to be "freed” from their role of being a loving mothers, caring wives, zealous
Christians and devoted bondservants of Christ.
The woman is a home builder. The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish
pulls it down with her hands."
Woman! How well are you building
your home? Or par adventure you are being foolish by pulling it down with your
own hands. To build a happy home
successfully, a woman have a major role
to play and it is also of great importance to know that it takes wisdom to
build a happy home.
Wisdom in building a happy home.
Wisdom of love
A woman is expected to love her
husband and to love her children. In building a happy home, a woman should
display a high level of love to her husband and children. By this, I mean
unconditional love. A woman should not to show love to her husband mainly
because of what she is getting from him or based on the facts that things are
rosy. Likewise a woman must be available to her husband and should not deny him
of his rights.
for "Many are the right of the
husband". I Corinthian 7:5 says, "Do not
deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer"
Often times, as career women, we return from our offices and private
businesses, feeling very tired due to the stress of the day. This
notwithstanding, your husband would still demand for his right, please give it
to him. It helps in building a happy home. Don't be surprised that he see lots of
women out there and don't push your husband to look for it outside. Some
Christian women are too spiritual when it comes to this aspect in a Christian
home. "We can't be more spiritual than the bible" like my husband use
to say. The Bible says, give it to him, nothing less.
Be available for your children
as well. Talk to them and you will marvel at what they know. Don't leave this
responsibility to the children worker in church and school alone. We are in the
Information Age where children are exposed to a lot and knows many things. Get
to know their challenges and fears and above all, lead them to commit their
fears unto The Lord !
Wisdom
of submission
While it is most clear today due to many factor, that women have comparable
qualities and strengths as men, God has ordained that wives should submit to
their husbands “as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18), and that “…the
head of woman is man” (1 Corinthians 11:3). Wives are to “submit to your own
husbands as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).
To build a happy home we must be submissive. Don't ever say of your husband 'what has he got to offer.?' Or 'I will do it my own way'. It doesn't work like that. Be humble and submit to your husband and your home will flourish. Submit to your husband and you will avoid a lots of trouble in your home.
Wisdom of training.
The woman has the role of being a wife and a mother, rearing godly children,
and teaching her children in God’s laws (Genesis 1:28; Proverbs 1:8; 6:20;
22:6; 23:22). It is your responsibility to teach and train the children—both
boys and girls in God’s laws.
You
shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you
sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you
rise up. (Deuteronomy 6: 7).
.........My
son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your
mother.
(Proverbs 1:8).
(Proverbs 1:8).
....She
opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
Proverbs 32: 26).
Proverbs 32: 26).
A good woman that want to build
her home has the prerogative to train the children God has given to her. These
days, mothers are too preoccupied with their work and there is little or no
time at all to train their children in the way of the Lord and to impact into
them, good moral values. Often times, most women are out as early as 6:00am and would not
return as late as 10:00pm or even beyond. They don't even realize the vacuum being created by their unavailability for the
children and the husband until it is too late.
Woman! are you always running up and down for things of life and you are not
available to train your children? hmm!, it has a negative implication in the
nearest future. The Yoruba's in the western part of Nigeria in West Africa has the saying that "omo ti a o ko, lo n gbe
ile ti ako ta '. Meaning "an untrained child is one that will
eventually sell everything we have built and laboured for". When you train your children, you will have peace in your home and you will be
happy.
Wisdom of being a trusted helper and wise counsellor.
Indeed, a good wife is meant to be a trusted confidant and a valuable counsellor
to her husband. God expects us to be trusted helpers and wise counsellors.
.....And
the LORD God said, “ It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a
helper comparable to him.” (Genesis
2:18).
Eve, is a tragic example of a woman who made a terribly foolish mistake. She
was “foolish” to engage with the serpent and was doubly foolish to push
something onto her husband that she knew was contrary to God’s will. Adam was
guilty of being led astray by his wife.
How are you leading your husband astray too. Are you always available to take
vital decisions regarding the home ,with your husband or the man is being left
alone to do it. Some women would say, it is the responsibility of the man to
pay school fees, and house rent, provides money for food and to carry virtually
all the responsibilities in the home.
Woman, what are you using the money you are earning to do? Some would buy
cloths, lace, shoes, gold etc, some women even invest it without their husband
knowing about it because of "some good reasons" best known to
them. I'm not saying that these things
are not good to buy, but I counsel you to do it in the right proportion in
order to assist at home.
Woman! you are in that man's life to help him. You are his "help meet'. He can't do it alone and
you can't either. Help him out. Nothing is too small to do and nothing should
be too big to do on your part. Have full
confidence in your husband. Counsel him rightly on issues regarding your family and you will have a happy and successful
home.
Wisdom in speech
To build a happy home, a good Christian woman must exhibit wisdom in speaking. Being
a 'Lousy Brat', does not help in building a happy home. Woman!, learn to
control your tongue. Even if you are the one paying all the bills. Also when
you are being provoked, control your tongue.
Proverb 9: 13
However, He chastens the foolish woman as being “loud and brash” and “ignorant”
without even knowing it ( NLT).
The Yoruba's in the western region if Nigeria, West Africa would say ' A ki ta ara ile
eni lopo, ki a ri ra Lowon ' meaning you cannot sell members of your household
cheaply, and still expect to buy back at a high price with gain.
A good woman who want to build a happy home will not talk lousy or speak
anyhow about her husband and family. Even if your husband falls short of your
expectations, it is not your own duty to sell him so cheaply to the public and
by this, I mean your friends, relatives, siblings, neighbour, etc. Remember, he
is still your head.
In conclusion, as you focus on God and your family applying all the
wisdom above, all your effort will not be in vain and you will succeed in
building a happy home in Jesus Name.
Z O A Oladejo.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
LOVE
INTRODUCTION:
Everyone wants love and without love, life would be incomplete.
People try in many different ways to discover true love, a love that is strong,
deep, and lasts for all time. Yet the pursuit of love have caused more
heartaches, pain, brokenness and bitterness.
Many teenagers struggle to understand what love is and how they can find
it. Many are willing to give almost anything in order to experience love,
particularly from someone of the opposite sex. To many teens love does
make the world go round. Yet many teens set themselves up for disappointments,
tragic mistakes and miscalculation because they lack a clear
understanding of what love is and what love is not. They confuse real love with
other experiences and emotions.
Many public school teach teenagers sex education and mechanics of sex,
some even teach teenagers how to apply condoms. However they fail
to tell teenagers effective things that will save them
from disappointments and disease that is attached to teenage sex.
WHAT LOVE IS NOT.
Real love isn't the
same as lust.
Love and lust are often confused in the mind of teenagers especially in
the music they listened to and the movie they watch. Love is much more
different from lust. Love gives and lust takes. Love values and lust uses,
love endures and lust subsides.
Real love isn't the same as romance.
Some guys can speak words that make a girl feel so good inside. Some
girls can make a guy feel taller and stronger just by looking into his eye.
Candle light dinners, mood music, slow dances, can make a moment special.
Romance can be wonderful, but its not love. Romance is a feeling, real love is
much more.
Infatuation is a fascination with an intense interest in someone of the
opposite sex. Infatuation can leave a teenager feeling breathless of the
opposite sex. When teenagers talk about 'falling in love' or about 'love at
first sight', they are usually talking about infatuation. Infatuation can be an
overwhelming feeling, but it is not real love.
Sex and love are often confused together as well. The two are
distinct. Love is a process and sex is an act. Love is learned and sex is
instinctive. Love require constant attention, and sex takes no effort. Love
takes time to develop and mature while sex need no time to develop. Love
requires emotional and spiritual interaction, sex requires only physical interaction.
Love deepens a relationship, sex (operating alone) dulls a relationship. Real
love is not the same as lust, romance, infatuation or sex.
What is love.
There are three kinds of love. These are: Love-IF,
Love-Because and Love!
Love If.
Love-if is a kind of love that is given or received when certain
conditions are met. One must do something to earn this kind of love. For
instance, if a child is good, the daddy will love the child. I mean a daddy's
love given, if a child gets a good grade. Love-if always has a strings
attached. As long as the conditions are met, things are fine. However, when
there is a reluctant to meet expectations, for example to have sex, the love is
withdrawn.
Love Because-Of.
Love Because is a kind of love that a person is
loved because of something he or she is, has or does. For instance, I love you
because you're so beautiful. I love you because you are rich. This type of love
is given because of something.
Love.
This kind of love is love without conditions. It is a kind of love that
says , I love you in spite of what the person may be like deep down inside.
True and Real love is not a blind love. It can know a great deal about the
other person's short comings and fault, yet totally accepts the individual
without demanding anything in return.
To be continued ....
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