SIBLING RIVALRY

 

 

 

Introduction

Sibling rivalry can be devastating! Trouble between siblings can take many different forms as RIVALRY, STRIVE, or ABUSE. Brothers and sisters can be best friends, bitter enemies or both, depending on the circumstances, the time of the day or their moods. Siblings can be surprisingly loving toward each other, and they can be shockingly cruel. This however does not means they don't love each other.  The essence of this article is to enable teenagers and parents to understand rivalry between siblings and be able to deal with it accordingly.

 
^{Form of Siblings Troubles}

^{Sibling rivalry.}

Sibling Rivalry is as an emotional or physical assault that makes the victims to feel bad about themselves. It is a natural and common phenomenon within the family. At times, it is unavoidable between brothers and sisters of the same family; steps sisters and brothers and also between teenagers. It is a spirit of jealousy or competition between siblings or (step-siblings) in a family. Statements as 'I will report you to Mum' are common among siblings as a result of rivalry. A Teenager once told me about a non cordial relationship between her and her elder brother who at times would buy her things and some other times, could be so cruel to the extent of beating her.

^STRIVE
Sibling strive is very destructive. It makes teenagers to contend in opposition with each others.  Tony and Kinsley are two brothers from the same family. Tony is younger, but a bit large while the elder brother, Kinsley was slimmer and smart. However, rivalry between them would made Kinsley tease about the weight of his younger brother, calling him a 'plum fat'  and driving him to tears in front of others and generally ridiculing him for being a "Cry baby" !

ABUSE
Relationship between siblings can sometimes degenerate into abusive behaviour and patterns. Siblings are more likely to become abusive if they themselves feel victimized. Abuse can range from name-calling and inciting fear in a younger sibling, to threatening, destroying a Sibling's personal possessions, or physically scratching, hitting, or kicking a sibling.

Siblings Abuse is common among teenagers in schools and homes. Some example of abusive words are, 'Big Head', 'Look at her head like coconut-head',

'Big stomach', 

'Fish brain',

'See the way he's working like jelly fish...',

'Pepeye',, 'Your head is like pure a water bag........', etc 

 

^{The Causes of Sibling  Rivalry.}

Sibling Rivalry is simply the natural result of multiple children in a family, vying for attention and affection.  When parents gives more attention to a child more than the other, they are seriously creating problems for their wards. Sibling Rivalry can be as a result of the following:

Parents' preferential treatment on sibling.

 Unhealthy or unfavourable comparisons. The root of all feelings of inferiority is comparison.  It is therefore highly inflammatory to compare and commend one child at the expense of another. Parents, especially mum should please exercise caution on matters of academic performance and intelligence by not comparing their teens with others teenagers.

 

Jealousy of a sibling's talents, friends, appearance, grades, and family privileges.

Though Sibling rivalry can be a devastating factor in a family relationship, it can also be a positive factor...(To be continued).

 

 

The Challenges of Teenagers.

 

 

 

The Challenges of Teenagers.

The teen's year ranges between the age of thirteen and seventeen and it is the year between Childhood and adulthood. Though the teen's years are most enjoyable, it is also a period when  many teenagers go through a lot of challenges. Some of these challenges which are  Lust, Environmental Influences, Peer Pressure, Gangsterism and Cultism, Insufficient Parental Care, and Educational challenges.

Lust

Teen's  years are characterized by the onset of puberty and many accompanying struggles, including understanding and coping with an awakening sexuality. Adolescent girls and boys encounter many thoughts and feelings that are both new and disturbing. They begin to notice physical development and attractiveness of the opposite sex, and also develop an intense fascination with romantic and sexual matters.  Teens do not only experience various hormonal changes, in their bodies, they are also largely unprepared for the hormonal surge and surprises that occur as a natural physiological part of the adolescence. Usually, they are yet to learn how to control and channel their sexual urges, and sensations  that leave them often bewildered and frightened.

They gets involved in sensual desire and believe that nothing is wrong with dating the opposite sex as long as they do not get into the 'real acts'. Lust sometimes begins with seemingly harmless actions such as holding of hands, embrace or hug and constant chats with the opposite sex.  This frequent, private communication leads to emotional attachment and entanglements and oftentimes, Lust is induced by the things the teens see or hear. The kinds of programmes they watched on television, Internet, radio and the kinds of company they keep.  Lust is a critical problem for today's teens than for teens of previous generation. 

Environmental  Influences

Today's teens face a culture that is obsessed with sex, sexual attractiveness, and sexual gratification. Television programs , movies, previews, magazine adverts, billboards and commercials as well as styles of clothing are often blatant in their attempt to arouse the viewer sexuality. The teen's years are typically characterized by a search for self identity, an effort to discover "Who am I and where do I fit in", and the teens sexuality is a part of that mix, and for some teenagers, lustful fantasies become a slave to their fears and insecurities.

 

Peer  Pressure.

Another challenge most teenagers go through today is peer pressure. Teens face severe pressure to act, dress, talk in certain ways and join certain groups and to try certain things, and any deviation from what is considered the "normal" or "popular thing to do " can result in ridicule and rejection. Though peer pressure can be positive, it can also be negative. Bad company influence teenagers negatively and lead them astray.  Peer influence or pressure have been associated with episodes of teens risk taking, such as the use of alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, drugs.

Many  teenagers listen to wrong and evil counsels of peers who tell them to go into immorality because it is what is in vogue. They suggest and scheme to lure them into having premarital sex. Even when  a teenager decides not to join in the act, they are been deride for being naive or being a virgin and being the odd person among the company. 

Insufficient Parental Care.  

Lack of Interest and involvement on the part of the parent for teenagers is another major problem  that has reached a crises stage in the world today.  Many parent finds giving appropriate attention and care to one or more children together with already considerable responsibilities  of marriage and carrier, a nearly impossible job.

These days, a lot of parents are too busy and do not have time for their teens. They tend to neglect them if they are preoccupied with anything, especially social advancement. Today's society urges men and women to "have it all"  and to "have it your way": Earn a six figure income, send your teens to private school, and work out every day, vacation in the Bahamas etc. Parent who buy into this "have it all"  mentality typically neglect their teens emotional needs, choosing (consciously or unconsciously) to place their "needs" ahead of their teens needs. Aside availability to the teenagers, many parents lacks parenting skill to take care of the teens physically and emotional need.

Gangsterism and Cultism.

Cowardice, greed, lust for power and gullibility have led many teenagers into gangsterism and cultism. Some teenagers were persuaded into it, while some were threatened and physically harassed into it, others just wanted to have power they could demonstrate at anytime and anywhere they found themselves. Many teenagers have been expelled from school and some have died prematurely because of cultism and gangsterism.

 

Educational Challenges

Another challenge teenagers experience is the problem of underachievement. While some teenagers seem to mature with little difficulties and gain clear understanding of their potentials and limitations, other teens resist the challenge to develop their potential.  Many teenagers fail at school and experience other problem academically that may last a life time. Often times they go through the fear of failure, anxiety that drive them to a point of exhaustion and eventually inefficiency.

 

Academic problems are frequently indicators of larger problems that a teenager is going through. These problems range among personality and lifestyle, societal and economic factor, and the family. Oftentimes, some teens fail to achieve good grade in school because their basic need are not met.  They lack the ability  to concentrate,  poor self motivation, and are unwillingness to stay on learning task. This may  later result in the teenager drooping out of school.

.....to be continued.

 

ZOA  Oladejo.