LOVE

INTRODUCTION:

Everyone wants love and without love, life would be incomplete.  People try in many different ways to discover true love, a love that is strong, deep, and lasts for all time. Yet the pursuit of love have caused more heartaches, pain, brokenness and bitterness.

Many teenagers struggle to understand what love is and how they can find it. Many are willing to give almost anything in order to experience love, particularly from someone of the opposite sex.  To many teens love does make the world go round. Yet many teens set themselves up for disappointments, tragic mistakes and miscalculation  because they lack a clear understanding of what love is and what love is not. They confuse real love with other experiences and emotions.

Many public school teach teenagers sex education and mechanics of sex, some even teach teenagers how to apply condoms. However they fail to tell teenagers effective things that will save them from disappointments and disease that is attached to teenage sex.

 

 

 WHAT  LOVE IS NOT.

 

 Real love isn't the same as lust.

Love and lust are often confused in the mind of teenagers especially in the music they listened to and the movie they watch. Love is much more different from lust. Love gives and lust takes. Love values and lust uses, love endures and lust subsides.

Real love isn't the same as romance.

Some guys can speak words that make a girl feel so good inside. Some girls can make a guy feel taller and stronger just by looking into his eye. Candle light dinners, mood music, slow dances, can make a moment special. Romance can be wonderful, but its not love. Romance is a feeling, real love is much more.

 Real love isn't the same as infatuation.

Infatuation is a fascination with an intense interest in someone of the opposite sex. Infatuation can leave a teenager feeling breathless of the opposite sex. When teenagers talk about 'falling in love' or about 'love at first sight', they are usually talking about infatuation. Infatuation can be an overwhelming feeling, but it is not real love.

 Real  love isn't the same as sex.

Sex and love are often confused together as well.  The two are distinct. Love is a process and sex is an act. Love is learned and sex is instinctive. Love require constant attention, and sex takes no effort. Love takes time to develop and mature while sex need no time to develop. Love requires emotional and spiritual interaction, sex requires only physical interaction.  Love deepens a relationship, sex (operating alone) dulls a relationship. Real love is not the same as lust, romance, infatuation or sex.

 

What is love.

 There are three kinds of love.  These are: Love-IF, Love-Because and Love!

Love If.

Love-if is a kind of love that is given or received when certain conditions are met. One must do something to earn this kind of love. For instance, if a child is good, the daddy will love the child. I mean a daddy's love given, if a child gets a good grade. Love-if always has a strings attached. As long as the conditions are met, things are fine. However, when there is a reluctant to meet expectations, for example to have sex, the love is withdrawn.

 

 Love Because-Of. 

Love Because is a kind of love that a person is loved because of something he or she is, has or does. For instance, I love you because you're so beautiful. I love you because you are rich. This type of love is given because of something.

  Love.

This kind of love is love without conditions. It is a kind of love that says , I love you in spite of what the person may be like deep down inside. True and Real love is not a blind love. It can know a great deal about the other person's short comings and fault, yet totally accepts the individual without demanding anything in return.

To be continued ....

 

TEENAGERS AND DATING

TEENAGERS AND DATING.

Introduction: The Problem of Premature Dating.

Teenagers invest massive amount of time, thought, and energy into dating pressure and possibilities. For example, they talk about Who is dating Who? While many young people devote much time and effort to "The Dating Game", only few are prepared for the new stresses and choices that dating presents. Teenagers face intense pressure from others around them to "go out" with someone.

Discuss A:  Why Do Many Teenagers Date.

 Many teenagers date because of the following reasons:

·        Dating is badge of acceptance.

·        It is an evidence of a teenagers worth of attractiveness.

·        Some teenagers date because close friends start dating.

·        Some teenagers are looking for Love, security or support in a date.

·        It is a way to assert their independence by going where they choose and                with whom they choose.

·        Many teenagers just date because they feel it is expected of them to                       date.

Points above are some of the reasons teenagers get involved in dating and a great numbers of teens set themselves up for danger and disappointment because they are playing 'The Dating Game', blindly, ignorant of the many decisions to be made in dating. For a teen to start dating, key decision need to be taken into consideration.  Below are some of these decision:

 

Discuss A:    Decision in dating

(When  to start dating)

Some parents think their children should be certain age before dating. Similarly, some teenagers think they were born ready to date, while others feel they crossed the "date line", when they became teenagers. Though a chronological age is a reliable indicator of a teenagers readiness to date,  the crucial factor is whether he or she is spiritually and emotionally mature to handle the many DECISIONS and DANGERS of dating. While some teenagers may be mature enough at fifteen or sixteen, others may not be mature at such age and probably need to wait longer.

Key Indicators of a Teens readiness for dating.

·        Is he or she often influenced by peer pressure.?

·        Is he or she most attracted to people of his or her own age? 

·        Has the teen committed himself or herself to sexual purity and           determined not to compromise that commitment.?

·        Does the teenager have his or her parent's permission to date ?.

If  the teen child  have a 'No Answer' to the above questions, then the young

teens should be more spiritually and emotionally matured before dating.

 

The Dangers of Dating

 The danger in dating is that the teenager will do something that will seriously damage chances of future happiness and a successful marriage.  It is easy for teens to think, “I have my whole life ahead of me. The choices I make now will not have any effect in future.” However, dating patterns and things a teenagers does will greatly affect the quality of his or her future life. Some of the dangers in dating are :

 

    Dating can lead to broken hearts.

A large part of dating is flirting. Flirting is acting like you love someone. The object of flirting is to create a romantic attachment with the other person with no serious intention. The idea of a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex is very appealing to teens. Most teenagers realize that the relationship is temporary and with no commitment involved. Both guy and girl realize that either one is free to break up the romance at any time for any reason. This may sound harmless, but as two people become romantically involved, they begin to bond emotionally. Even though there are no commitments, two single people begin to increasingly think of themselves as a couple. They are seen together and viewed as a couple by their friends. They are bonding and becoming emotionally glued together. 

In breaking up, these two hearts which have become glued together are ripped apart. They are emotionally wounded and end up with scars that can last a lifetime. One or both experience a loss of self-esteem and the sense of being rejected. Having a broken heart is no fun; in fact, it can be devastating. Some teenagers try to deal with it by toughening their emotions. They say, “It’s no big deal. I’ll find somebody else." However, a teenagers who is trying to rebound from a failed romance is very vulnerable. The sense of being rejected by someone they loved is devastating. Often they are frantically trying to find someone who shows an interest in them. They often jump quickly into another romantic relationship, which turns out to be worse than the first one.

                   Dating often leads to physical intimacy.

Dating often leads to getting involved sexually. By this, a teenager gives away part of his/herself and can never get it back. Dating can bring a lot of "Emotional Baggage". Physical intimacies become “emotional baggage” that can wreck a teenagers.

                   Dating can create an artificial relationship.

Teenagers try very hard to impress each other by putting on their best, making it difficult to evaluate the other teens true character.

 

          QUESTION :   The Age Factor.
                                             

       ' Does Age make a difference in dating'? Can a fourteen years and a nineteen years old

teenager date.

 Answer:

My answer is no, based on the reason that teen years are a time of major physical, emotional and spiritual changes and some changes may happen so fast that a teens is ill-prepared to handle them.

Conclusion

My teenagers, please be wise. choose the right part in life. Do not allow anyone to deceive you.  Don't rush into dating. Don't join other teenagers that are playing the dating game. There is time for everything. Time to be born and time to go to school. Do something meaningful with your life now that you are young. There is time to actually get involved in dating and time to get married for the rest of your life. WAIT FOR THE RIGHT TIME!!

 

Zoa  Oladejo.

for:  TEENs  &  MUM.